I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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