worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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