she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
