Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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