Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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