I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
