apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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