there's paper in my vomit.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
