so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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