Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Randomize
