The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You are the jesus of drinking
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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