Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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