dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
