Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
