Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't put those talents on a resume
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
