Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My vagina just recognized that song.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
