i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
