The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
