I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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