I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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