Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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