We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
