how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
