my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She even gives head with a lisp.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
