OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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