I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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