The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
