My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
