Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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