Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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