she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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