Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You smell like stripper and shame
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
