just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Randomize
