i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
