Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
