Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
