Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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