I think im going to throw up on grandma
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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