if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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