guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
