From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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