I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
