I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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