did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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