I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
