She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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