I'm eating all of the evidence.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
