Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
