If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
