I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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