She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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