Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
