whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
