oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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