Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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