My first STD was from a foam party
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
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