im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize