I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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