It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
