she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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