i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
