I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
