i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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