I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
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