i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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