My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
