I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
