That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
