i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
