I heard we made out
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
