I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
