I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My feet surprised me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
