This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
