mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
