Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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