Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
