My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
